Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo Says Men Providing For Women Is Culture Not Bible, Stirs Heated Social Media Reactions

 

 

Popular Nigerian relationship coach and preacher Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo has once again triggered heated conversations online following a bold statement he made regarding gender roles and financial responsibilities in marriage. During a recent message shared with his congregation and later circulated on social media, the clergyman insisted that the notion of a man taking full financial responsibility for a woman is not rooted in scripture but in cultural traditions.

Okonkwo, who has built a reputation for outspoken teachings on love, relationships, and marriage, raised eyebrows with his declaration. According to him, people often misinterpret biblical instructions, confusing societal expectations with divine mandates. He argued that many women expect men to shoulder all financial responsibilities because of cultural conditioning rather than biblical instruction.

The pastor pointedly asked women how they managed to survive before marriage if they now claim a man must bear all their needs after marriage. His words, “Before you got married how were you surviving? If you say now a man must provide everything, what then were you doing with your life before he came along?” struck a chord with many listeners, drawing both applause and criticism.

Social media users immediately picked up on the remark, creating a storm of reactions across platforms like X (formerly Twitter), Facebook, and Instagram. Some defended the preacher, applauding him for challenging long-held expectations that often put men under heavy financial pressure. Supporters argued that his words highlight the need for women to build independence, skills, and resources before marriage, thereby making relationships partnerships rather than one-sided obligations.

Others, however, strongly disagreed, accusing him of undermining cultural values that have kept many homes stable. They argued that in African society, men are naturally expected to provide for their families as a sign of love, honor, and responsibility. Critics described his stance as insensitive, claiming it dismisses the economic realities that often push women to rely on men after marriage, particularly in settings where job opportunities for women remain limited.

Beyond the online chatter, the conversation has sparked broader debates around the interpretation of scripture in relation to modern relationships. Many theologians and churchgoers are now questioning whether Okonkwo’s viewpoint is accurate when compared to biblical passages that speak about men being providers. Some quote texts from the New Testament where husbands are instructed to love their wives as Christ loved the church, interpreting this love as sacrificial and inclusive of financial care. Others counter that those verses focus on spiritual leadership and not material provision.

The clergyman’s statement also touches on a growing concern in Nigerian society: the rising cost of living and its impact on family dynamics. As inflation and unemployment affect households, more women are engaging in businesses, entrepreneurship, and professional careers to support their homes. Okonkwo’s message resonates with those who believe couples should share responsibilities equitably rather than rely solely on the man’s income.

Several relationship experts have weighed in on the matter, noting that while culture and religion play strong roles in shaping expectations, every marriage must define its own structure. They emphasize communication as the key, arguing that couples should be open about finances, strengths, and weaknesses before tying the knot. By doing so, they can avoid resentment and unrealistic burdens that strain marriages.

For many Nigerians, the debate reveals a generational divide. Older generations often uphold the traditional view that a man must always provide, while younger voices are increasingly open to shared financial responsibilities. Social media users in their twenties and thirties are particularly vocal in supporting Okonkwo’s perspective, insisting that partnership is healthier than dependence.

Despite the controversy, Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo is no stranger to provocative teachings. His ministry, Love, Dating and Marriage, is dedicated to helping couples build strong relationships, and he frequently challenges long-held ideas about romance, gender, and family. While critics accuse him of modernizing biblical truths to suit contemporary culture, admirers believe his insights are necessary for breaking unhealthy cycles and equipping the next generation for realistic marriages.

As the debate continues, one thing is clear: Okonkwo has succeeded in sparking a national conversation about marriage, culture, and scripture. Whether his interpretation is embraced or rejected, his words have forced many Nigerians to pause and reflect on what truly sustains a healthy marriage in today’s society. For some, it is tradition; for others, it is partnership rooted in mutual respect.

The storm around his statement is unlikely to end soon. With social media ensuring that every word spoken by public figures is amplified, Pastor Okonkwo’s remarks will continue to generate diverse opinions. What remains to be seen is whether his perspective will inspire couples to rethink the financial expectations they bring into marriage, or if it will further cement cultural practices that view men as sole providers.