"Until You Are Married, You Are Single": Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo’s Controversial View on Relationships

 

Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo's Marriage Controversy: A Bold Statement on What It Means to Be 'Single'

Nigerian clergyman and renowned relationship coach, Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo, has caused a whirlwind of discussion after posting a controversial opinion on his social media platform, X (formerly Twitter). The widely-followed pastor, known for his outspoken views on relationships and marriage, made a declaration that has divided opinions on the concept of singleness.

In a tweet that rapidly went viral, Okonkwo asserted, “Until you are married - you are single.” The remark, made on Tuesday, has since sparked intense debate, particularly among his large online following, as well as within Christian circles and broader Nigerian society.

Pastor Okonkwo, who has built a significant following as a relationship coach, has often been vocal about traditional values surrounding marriage and relationships. In his post, he emphasized the importance of recognizing the status of one’s relationship until the bond of marriage is established.

His stance, however, is not one without controversy. The statement challenges a common perspective that many hold—namely that those in long-term, committed relationships or engagements are no longer considered single. By claiming that anyone who is not married remains single, Okonkwo seems to underscore the belief that only marriage formally removes someone from the “single” status, no matter how long the couple has been together or the level of commitment involved.

The pastor's statement has set off a flurry of responses online. While some followers supported his position, praising him for reminding people of the sanctity of marriage, others were quick to challenge his view. Critics argue that the statement oversimplifies complex personal circumstances. Many pointed out that engagement and long-term partnerships often come with commitments that differ from mere “singleness” in practical, emotional, and social terms. Others questioned the view as potentially promoting a narrow, rigid view of relationships that doesn't take modern dynamics into account.

Okonkwo’s tweet has reignited an ongoing conversation about the definitions of singleness, relationships, and marriage in contemporary Nigerian society, especially in a context where many are exploring new relationship models. Marriage is considered a highly sacred institution in Nigeria, and discussions around it often come with deep cultural, religious, and personal implications. For some, Pastor Okonkwo’s bold declaration may seem like a necessary reminder of the traditional values that many still hold dear.

However, others contend that Okonkwo's blanket categorization may not capture the diverse realities of modern relationships, where engagement can signify a serious commitment, and where non-married partnerships are more commonplace, particularly in urban settings. Critics have even expressed concern that such statements may pressure individuals into marriage before they are ready, encouraging a "rush to the altar" mentality that can result in unhealthy or mismatched unions.

The online reaction has been a mixture of admiration, confusion, and outright disagreement. Supporters of Okonkwo’s view see his statement as reinforcing the gravity of the marriage covenant and the importance of distinguishing between the phases of life. They argue that with the ever-changing definitions of relationships in modern society, it is crucial to maintain clear boundaries and recognition of the importance of a formalized union.

Despite the controversy surrounding his comment, Okonkwo remains steadfast in his view, regularly addressing relationship-related issues both in his sermons and social media posts. As a relationship coach, he often encourages young Nigerians to approach relationships with clarity, commitment, and respect. His stance on marriage, while provocative, may be part of his ongoing effort to advocate for stronger, long-lasting unions in a society where marriage rates are a topic of considerable interest.

In his tweet, Okonkwo did not explicitly delve into the intricacies of what constitutes a "marriage" or a “single” status, leaving some aspects of his message open to interpretation. However, his emphasis seems to be on the idea that until a legally binding, sacramental union is formed, a person remains single in the most traditional and formal sense.

As debates continue to unfold online, it’s clear that Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo’s bold perspective has brought a fresh lens through which Nigerians—and even others worldwide—are reevaluating how relationships are defined. Whether this leads to broader shifts in societal thinking about relationships and marriage remains to be seen. For now, Okonkwo’s statement has certainly made waves and will likely continue to be a topic of discussion for some time.