Marriage Demands Evolving Together, Not Apart: Pastor Kingsley Advises Singles to Avoid Dating Rigid-Minded Individuals

 

Popular Nigerian relationship coach and senior pastor, Kingsley Okonkwo, has issued a thought-provoking warning to single individuals who are currently navigating the complex world of relationships. His advice, shared via a post on his verified X (formerly Twitter) account, urges singles to avoid falling in love or getting married to anyone lacking a strong desire for personal development or adaptability.

Addressing what he views as a growing concern, the Lagos-based preacher pointed out that the foundation of a successful marriage is not only rooted in love or attraction but also in the ability of both partners to grow together through life’s inevitable changes. He raised an alarm over the number of people in this generation who appear to be complacent, stuck in their ways and unwilling to pursue self-improvement.

"WARNING," Okonkwo's post began emphatically, as he outlined traits that should be considered red flags by anyone seeking a lifelong partner. He specifically called out individuals who detest reading, shy away from counselling, resist constructive feedback or avoid engaging in mentoring programs. For the pastor, such attitudes are signs of a rigid mindset that can eventually cause problems in marriage.

The seasoned relationship advisor lamented the lack of drive and ambition he has observed among many young men and women. According to him, this laziness and refusal to evolve could have far-reaching consequences on the quality of a future marriage. He made it clear that partners who refuse to grow will become a liability, rather than a support system, when life throws its inevitable curveballs.

Many of Okonkwo's followers resonated with his message, praising him for addressing a topic that often gets overlooked in relationship conversations. One follower commented, “This is the truth many people ignore until they’re already knee-deep in a difficult marriage.” Another user wrote, “Emotional and intellectual growth are just as important as financial stability when it comes to marriage.”

Marriage, as Okonkwo explained, is not a fixed contract but a dynamic journey filled with challenges, triumphs and continuous transitions. Without growth, he believes couples run the risk of becoming strangers to each other over time. He suggested that the ability to adapt, learn and embrace change together is what keeps a marriage vibrant and enduring.

Okonkwo also seemed particularly concerned about the attitude of some individuals who see no reason to invest in their mental or emotional development. He argued that a strong relationship requires more than just affection or compatibility. To him, the shared pursuit of personal excellence and mutual growth creates a fertile ground for long-term fulfillment.

This message aligns with a broader perspective the clergyman has promoted over the years through his teachings, seminars and books. He frequently speaks at marriage conferences and relationship boot camps, where he emphasizes communication, emotional intelligence and self-awareness as key ingredients for lasting love.

In a society where pressures around marriage are intense and timelines are often dictated by family expectations or social norms, Okonkwo’s call to prioritize mindset over marital status has struck a powerful chord. His followers, many of whom look to him for relationship guidance, are now reflecting more deeply on their dating choices.

His advice may also be seen as a direct challenge to cultural trends that prioritize outward appearances or financial gains when selecting a partner. While these factors are not insignificant, Okonkwo urges singles to dig deeper, to evaluate whether their potential partner has the emotional maturity and willingness to grow with life’s demands.

In a generation where personal development resources are more accessible than ever through books, podcasts and online courses, the cleric questions why so many still choose stagnation. His message was clear: if someone resists the idea of growing and adapting, they may eventually become an anchor that holds you back instead of a wind that helps you soar.

Kingsley Okonkwo’s warning comes at a time when many young adults are redefining what they want in relationships. As people place more emphasis on purpose and emotional compatibility, his guidance serves as a timely reminder to invest wisely in a future that will require more than just love to endure.