Beauty Mogul Laura Ikeji Questions Why Victims of Domestic Violence Still Engage in Intimacy with Abusive Partners

 

Nigerian beauty entrepreneur and media personality, Laura Ikeji Kanu, recently triggered widespread conversation across social media platforms after asking a sensitive and emotionally charged question. Taking to her Instagram page, the fashion-forward influencer posed a bold inquiry to women who remain physically intimate with abusive partners. Her question struck a nerve, opening up a controversial yet deeply necessary dialogue around the psychological dynamics of domestic abuse.

Laura, who revealed that she has a background in psychology, explained that the question had been lingering in her mind for years. With no intention of judging victims, she stated she was genuinely curious to understand how women reconcile sexual intimacy with someone who has repeatedly caused them physical harm.

“How do you do it?” she asked candidly. “Women in marriages or relationships where domestic violence is present, how do you allow these men to touch you? How do you have sex with someone who hits you?” Her words were not laced with contempt but with deep puzzlement, perhaps reflecting the confusion many outsiders feel when observing cycles of abuse from afar.

She further highlighted her shock by pointing out that some women go as far as getting pregnant for these same men shortly after a beating. “They beat you, and then a month later you are pregnant. How?” she questioned.

Her post struck a chord with thousands. While some lauded her for voicing a question many dare not ask, others felt the issue is far more complex than it appears on the surface. Laura’s words came across as blunt but sincere, and she admitted that her education in psychology has never truly resolved her curiosity about the phenomenon.

The comments section beneath her post became a forum of sorts, flooded with diverse opinions and deeply personal stories. Survivors of domestic violence chimed in, some explaining that fear, manipulation, trauma bonding, and financial dependence often blur the lines between choice and coercion.

A recurring theme among the replies was trauma bonding, a psychological response where victims develop a sense of loyalty or attachment to their abusers. Over time, victims may normalize violent behavior, especially when it is interspersed with periods of affection or remorse from the perpetrator. This pattern can create a confusing emotional environment where leaving becomes more complicated than it might appear to outsiders.

Others mentioned that cultural expectations and societal pressure can compound the issue. In many communities, especially where patriarchy is entrenched, women are subtly or overtly taught to endure marital struggles, including violence, in the name of preserving the family unit or avoiding shame. For some, leaving an abusive partner is not just emotionally taxing, but also financially impossible, especially when children are involved.

Some respondents criticized Laura’s question for being potentially insensitive, arguing that it might come off as blaming the victim. Others defended her intent, saying her inquiry comes from a place of wanting to understand and perhaps to help raise awareness.

One user commented, “I was one of those women. After a beating, he’d cry and say he didn’t mean it. Then he’d be extra sweet, and before I knew it, we were back in bed. It wasn’t because I wanted to, it was because I didn’t even know who I was anymore.”

Another wrote, “It’s called manipulation. It’s not love, and it’s not consent in the way most people understand it. You feel like you owe him something, or worse, that you have no power.”

Laura has not yet posted a follow-up or a response to the flood of reactions her question has sparked. However, her candid moment has undeniably opened a much-needed space for deeper conversations about domestic violence, psychological trauma, and the complex dynamics of intimacy under abusive conditions.

What her post reveals is that there’s still a great need for education, empathy, and open dialogue around domestic violence. For those looking from the outside, the choices victims make may seem confusing or even frustrating. But within the closed walls of abuse, reality is often distorted, painful, and wrapped in fear.

Laura’s question, while simple, has helped unearth stories and reflections that could serve to educate many and, perhaps more importantly, push society toward more compassionate and informed perspectives on domestic abuse.